Her Voice
by Crystaleyed
Summary: The day Rita died the lives of her children, her sister and her husband, Dave become a hideous blur. For Rita, everything is far too clear. Rated T for the general theme of story and rare use of strong language.
1. A Beautiful Death

**Hello,  
>I thought, after watching this and seeing the small amount of Single Father ff, that I might contribute this small story.<br>I hope you all like and enjoy it and please let me know if there is anything I can improve upon.**

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><p>The music dies and pairs upon pairs of small eyes look at Sarah expectantly, while I look nervously at the clock. I need to set off for the exam soon but a part of me doesn't want to, the same part of me that made me skip many maths lessons when I was a kid, desperate to do as little as possible to get to where I wanted to be in life ; A thing I now regret terribly.<br>I pull my coat over my shoulders and gather my things, as I walk out my eyes fall on Evie, whispering to a friend. Even now I wonder what she said to her friends that day.  
><em>That's my mummy<br>She's going to ace that test  
>Mummy will do well.<br>_As soon as she sees me she points, waves and smiles. That smile, like a ray of sunshine on a gloomy day. I wish I could have put it in a bottle, closed the lid and saved it for gloomier days to come.  
>"<em>Bye!<em>" the children call as the door shuts behind me, leaving the school behind. I gather my things, checking my florescent body band and helmet before cycling away.  
>I never once looked back.<br>My lungs fill with the sweet scent of spring as I cycle down the street, focusing on the road ahead. I pass the park, with its once bare trees looking like a stick of candy floss at a fairground stall.  
>I smile as the memories of many summers, when me and Dave first met, flash before me.<br>_Kissing on the Ferris wheel,  
>Dave trying to win me an oversized stuffed animal that I didn't want or need<em>.  
>I laugh at the memories as I roll gently down the hill.<br>_I'm a lot more relaxed now; maybe just maybe I'll pass this test I wonder what ..._

**CRASH **

And now there's no more time to think or remember. I'm flying through the air, incapable of my own distress, flying from my bike, over the handlebars. My life flashes before me, my children's glowing faces and Dave's formidable smile look on me in the darkness and with my their faces still in my mind my mouth begins to move.

_I love you  
>I love you too<em>

And then there was nothing.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading and please review .<strong>


	2. The Man I Left Behind

**So, here is the next chapter as promised, I hope you enjoy and thank you for your reviews and all the support I have had with this story.**

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><p>I expected darkness, never ending darkness and peace.<br>I expected the biblical images of heaven to appear before me.  
>I expected to feel the flames of hell licking at my ankles.<br>Not this.  
>I'm standing in a cold metallic room, two police officers walk in with a grave faced man. I cannot see his face, my eyes blur him out but his presence feels familiar. The officers stand to attention, like soldiers and I stand in a corner as a locker opens, the sound of heavy footsteps and rolling metal fill the empty room.<p>

" _Is this your partner, sir ?_"

He mumbles a reply as an officer grabs a chair and I grab my chance.

_Excuse me what's going on ?_

But they ignore me, as though I'm not even living, not even there.  
>I begin to panic.<p>

_Why can no one hear me ?_

I try again but still no answer. I run to the other officer, now standing a respectable distance from the familiar shadow, now sitting on a chair holding something in his hand.  
>No answer.<p>

_Will someone tell me what's going on, for god's sake? _

I look to the man now, so familiar, yet unidentified by my confused mind. I kneel by his side and look at him and I long to see what he's holding in his hand, but a strange fear seems to stop me and instead I stare at his face.  
>His face, he looks so ill, tired, weak like there's nothing left. His eyes, filled with unshed tears.<br>A shattered heart.  
>A broken man.<br>A cold room and no one even bothers to pick up the pieces. But I didn't care.  
>My husband,<br>My love,  
>My best friend.<br>Whatever people want to call him, he was here, a comfort to me in this unfamiliar existence and I prayed, to anyone who was willing to listen to my desperate pleas, that he would hear me. I hoped that the invisible pain which seemed to bind him in chains would fall and ease. I prayed that I could make him laugh and smile like I used to. I pray that this time it works.

" _Dave, please don't ignore me. I need you, I think I might be ..."_

He ignores me too and that cuts through me like a knife and suddenly his pain latches on to me like a vicious dog. I feel the pain in his heart as I watch it break. I can see the cracks, like crippled stone until I am certain there's no part of him that isn't in pain.

_I can't watch _I tell myself _I can't watch _  
><em>but I must. <em>

He stands up and I have no fear in my heart anymore; I think I have no reason to. He kneels beside an open locker and kisses a dead girl's lips.  
>I knew who she was, I knew her well.<br>_She had a husband in life._  
><em>She had two daughters.<em>  
><em>She had two sons.<em>  
><em>She was on her way to an exam, training to be a teacher, when she was hit by a car.<em>  
><em>Her name is Rita.<em>  
>The locker closes and I stand, paralysed by fear.<br>I'm not dumb, I know I'm dead, but what have I done to warrant this sort of punishment.  
>I don't want to watch my husband cripple under grief's harsh hand, as selfish as that might seem.<br>I don't want to watch life go on without me, watch the world go on without me as I fade into nothing more than a picture on a wall, a fond memory, a gravestone in a cold graveyard.  
>Dave walks out with the officers, he cannot bare to see me dead ; to accept that I won't be there in the morning, that I won't wake up by his side and hold him, help with the kids, love him the way I used to.<p>

"_Dave!_"

I don't know what to do, I stand there crying and howling his name.  
><em>What's the point?<em>  
><em>He'll never hear me.<em>  
>Every locker opens, yawning up a dead body. I'm terrified, they walk towards me, I cannot escape. Some are old men, who stagger towards me, like drunks, their hands twitching with arthritis or some other illness. Some are no older than toddlers, young girls who totter towards me with a tragic look in their eyes.<p>

_Please play with me._

That's when I scream and the darkness returns.

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><p><strong>Hope you like it, I've changed this quite a few times so let me know what you think of it. Thanks <strong>


	3. Lucy

**Hullo,  
>I apologies for the lateness of this chapter, things have been mad with school work and things, but I won't keep you long. So here is the next chapter, as promised<strong>

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><p><em>Ten Weeks Later ...<em>

And life goes on, without me.  
>Yet I'm still stuck on that day, ten weeks ago, the day my blood ran cold and my heart stopped beating. I'm still turning my last words to my children, my husband, my friends in my head ; over and over again. It was never going to be enough; nothing I said would ever be enough.<br>I watched the tears dry on their faces.  
>Sarah cried, howled and wept at the unfairness of it all.<br>Dave didn't, not at first, he stayed strong for the kid's sake, but as soon as he could feel, the tears began to pour and all I could do was hold him and watch his tears dry on his jacket.  
>Paul and Ewan are quiet and reserved; they say nothing and try to forget. As much as the idea of my own children forgetting me hurts, I can't blame them.<br>Lucy doesn't say much either. She goes to school, eats little, comes home and sits in her room, listening to music, talking to friends. I know she worries him, he's scared to lose her and she's all too willing to break away from him and find her real father.  
>But my little ray of sunshine still shines, despite everything. She walked into Dave's room yesterday, to ask him where her things were and found him weeping. As soon as he noticed he brushed the tears away and his guard came up.<br>Evie made him smile, she said it was okay for him to cry, it showed that he cared.  
>She held his hand as he cradled her in his arms.<br>My sister came in while they were there, crying to eachother, letting out the pain.  
>"<em>For god's sake Dave pull yourself together!<em>" she barked, storming out in a fuss.  
>"<em>I think she's jealous<em>" Evie said as Dave walked out with her to find her things  
>"<em>Of what?<em>" Dave asked and Evie smiled  
>"<em>Well she doesn't get nice cuddles like you do<em>" and that's when I saw it, his smile, his chuckle his laugh and I in turn laughed with him.  
>There's hope for them yet.<p>

I've been dead for ten weeks and now I stand in the hallway of what used to be my home. The place I used to sleep, now I just go into a strange blacked out state. I don't know where on when, but when you're a ghost I don't think it matters. It's not as if you can be killed again.

" _Where's my swimming trunks ? _"

I sigh, I used to remind them, when I was around to remind them, of the things they needed to do.  
>Show dad your permission slip for the trip next week so he can sign it<br>Have you got your swimming trunks in your bag for tomorrow ?  
>Lucy, make sure you have enough money for the bus tomorrow<br>Lucy walks downstairs in her school uniform, she asked Dave for some money last night, so I know she has enough. Dave's given up on making them sandwiches, which anyone who's seen Dave frantically rushing around in the morning to get everyone out on time can understand.

"_Where are you going? You haven't eaten anything _"

Dave asks as Lucy grabs her bag from the corridor.  
>Lucy has always been a mystery, even to me and we're related by blood and not marriage, unlike her and Dave. She, unlike Dave who's face is like an open book, is reserved, quiet and her intentions far from clear.<br>I like to think that she wants to stay out of his way, not cause him anymore fuss, but she must know how much he worries, how much he cares.  
>She turns to him now, briefly as she walks out of the door<p>

" _Oh I'm fine _"

I feel a pang of regret as she walks out of the door. I never did tell Dave who her father was, it would only have made him suspicious, I would have told him years ago, but as soon as I recognised that the dates I had met Stewart matched up with a few dates I avoided the conversation like the plague.  
>Not because I had done anything immoral or cheated on Dave at all, but simply because the suspicion would be there and I couldn't bear the thought of him not trusting me completely. Now I regret that decision. Lucy has no one and I cannot think of any way to remedy the situation.<br>I have long since given up speaking, any attempt to be noticed by the living has failed me.

" _I told you to watch the toast _"

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><p>" <em>WHAT ! "<em>

I don't understand, I can't understand. I watch her leave the house everyday with money for the bus and something to eat at lunch. She's not here during breakfast, just to get out of Dave's way, she's a thoughtful young girl she's not like this. My daughter is nothing like the image this demon woman has painted of her.  
><em>"What are you talking about, she goes to school everyday <em>"  
>That's when the penny drops for both of us.<br>She's deceived us both.  
>You'd think I'd be mad, with everything that's been happening the last thing Dave needs is this, but the only thing I feel, as this woman walks out of our house, the door slamming behind her, is dread.<br>Where has she been if she's not been at school?  
>With friends?<br>Friends who don't go to lesson are bound to be doing other things as well and that's what I fear most.  
>My sister stands in the kitchen, looking at Dave's worried and furious face as he marches towards a cupboard, looking for something he left there this morning.<br>I have never been close to my sister. The sibling rivalry of our youth never really died and although we treat one another like adults I feel like if she were just a person on the street, we would be no more than strangers.  
>Although I cannot fault her, ever since my death she's been round walking the dog (they have a dog now, which I cannot say I'm too happy about, but they need a substitute for a mother. A dog is as good as any) she's cleaned the house as much as possible and she's been a life saver for Dave.<br>" _Shouldn't have shouted at her _"  
>my sister tells him as he continues to pace around the kitchen. We look at him from the same angle yet we both see different things. I know as Anna looks at him, with worry tattooed on her face . She sees his fury at being lied to and deceived, it's not what he needs right now. Anna never looks closely at people's emotions, especially not Dave's. His emotions are a permanent feature of his face.<br>_He would be a rubbish actor_.  
>When I look at him I see the deeper emotion, the one that scares him, the one he doesn't want to say and the ones he makes an effort to hide.<p>

_I don't want to lose her.  
><em>_I know she's not mine but I don't want to lose her, she's all I have left of Rita.  
><em>_I don't want to lose her to a social worker._

The kitchen cupboards snap shut as Dave's calm resolve snaps and his fear and frustration are taken out on my innocent sister.  
>" <em>You don't need to pop round anymore <em>"  
>Me and Anna stand in shock, he needs someone and we both know it. He cannot cope on his own, he managed to get the kids to school on time this morning, but only by the skin of their teeth and Lucy will not let him get away lightly when he questions her about her truancy. He needs help so why is he pushing it all away ?<br>My sister leaves, knowing that she's needed but unwilling to outstay her welcome as Dave walks upstairs and sits on Lucy's bed.

_What am I going to do ?_

He walks across the corridor and stops at a picture of my face.  
>I smile back at him, looking on this miserable scene from happier times as the half living half dead creature that I have become stands behind him, looking at the picture, remembering my own smile, reflected in the picture frame. Two weeks after that picture I announced that I was pregnant with Evie.<br>" _Wanna give us a clue? _"he asks and I know it's pointless answering as he looks for answers to my children in the empty air. I wonder if he knows where I am, if he knows that I follow him and the kids every day. I wonder if he knows that I stand behind him now, whispering in his ear.

_I'm here._

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><p><strong>Thank you as ever for your patience with my slow chapter updates and thank you, as always, to anyone who has or is going to review. I value your praise and opinions very much.<strong>


	4. Like Sisters

**Hello,  
>I don't want to badger you with excuses but yeah, I do apologies for leaving this chapter so late. Since starting my A Levels a month ago I haven't had much time left to write . But enough waffle, here's chapter four ...<strong>

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><p>"<em>You're not my dad"<br>_She screams as the door slams shut. I run after her, because I don't know what else I can do._  
>"You've never been my dad"<br>_She mutters as she throws a few things into her bag, tossing odds and ends carelessly in and out of her school bag._  
>Please don't, <em>I mutter, but I've given up being heard._  
>"I want my dad, I'm going to find my dad!"<br>_

She runs out of the door and I follow, I don't know what I could very well do about it, if she was in trouble I couldn't very well stop anyone harming her. I guess I followed her more for my own conscience and my selfishness.  
>I didn't want to see Dave cry another time.<br>She doesn't think twice of what's going on back home as she gets on the bus. I'm the only one that looks back to see Dave running after her.  
>The dad who's not meant to care about her<br>The dad who's not meant to be her dad at all  
>he's running after the bus, the phone pressed to his ear. He's left the kids in charge of themselves in order to run after her. <em><br>Does that sound like a dad that doesn't care, Lucy?  
>Does that sound like a dad to you ?<br>_That's the image that will always stay in my mind. Dave standing in the middle of the road, running after a child that's not even his.

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><p>I needn't have worried about Lucy and where she was going. She's gone to my mum's and I feel relieved that she's not somewhere else, doing something that would break my heart. She's in the bathroom now, cleaning herself up while my mother rings Dave. He sounds relieved, his voice is shaky, but I don't want to think about him now.<br>I can't cope with anyone's tears anymore. I want the happiness of days gone by. So I do what I always do when I can't cope with pain.  
><em>I run.<br>_A part of me feels guilty as I sit on the sofa with Lucy and my mum. They talk about nothing much. There's a brief conversation about the reasons why Dave chased her down the street and why and what Lucy's running from, but no one goes into great detail and I'm grateful for that.  
>I realise, in a brief silence and a moment of guilt.<br>I left them nothing. I left my children with nothing, of course I trust Dave to give them what is left, but that shouldn't be his job and what of Lucy ?  
>What happens now ?<br>Dave never adopted her and I never put any pressure on him to do so.  
>After all it didn't matter, she called him dad, even if technically he's not and Dave treated her with the same love and respect as he treated Paul, Ewan and Evie. It never mattered before.<br>But that was then, this is now.  
>Everything's changed.<p>

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><p>We pull up to the curb and the children are gathered round a car outside our house. They look guiltily under the belly of the car. Where Dave is on his hands and knees, persuading the dog out from underneath. It strikes me that as the kids gather around the car, waiting on their father's command that he has stepped into my place, so seamlessly and effortlessly.<br>He's the rock of the family,  
>the anchor and I'm thankful someone's there. After all they are only kids, kids who should never have to go through this.<br>My only worry is that while he's looking after the world and picking up it's tattered pieces,  
>Who's looking after him ?<br>Lucy doesn't even wait for the car to slow, the door flies open and she storms out. All beady and eager eyes snap to Lucy.  
>Paul and Ewan stand silent, watching with curiosity and worry,<br>Dave looks up, cradling the dog but says and does nothing,  
>Evie walks up to her, asks her where she's been, why ?<br>" _Evie, Evie, Evie, Just leave her _" Dave demands wisely and Evie obeys and Lucy's head snaps towards him, with a scolding look in her eyes.  
>" <em>Yeah, don't think I wanted to come back, I didn't <em>"  
>The world is silent and the only sound is Lucy's feet, disturbing the gravel.<br>No one bothers to fight or breathe. A moment passes before my sister's stern voice cuts through the silence.  
>" <em>Dave, can I have a word ?<em>"  
>" <em>Yeah, sure hold on <em>" he doesn't know my sister as well as I do, or if he does he doesn't show it. My sister's about to tell him how to be a father; how to raise my children. It's never been her place to say anything and I want to warn him  
><em>tell her your busy<br>__tell her to ring you or talk to you later  
><em>but it's useless, my voice is nothing more than an inaudible whisper in the air.  
>" <em>Lucy " <em>she chuckles " _Just like her mother when she was fifteen, just like Rita full stop._" The mention of my name makes Dave tense and Robin, my sister's husband, expect the worst.  
>" <em>That's the trouble " <em>I want her to stop, Dave doesn't need this and we all know it, yet my sister is my ignorant bitch of a sister.  
><em>She doesn't care<em>.  
>I wonder what fun she gets out of having a go at Dave,<br>what does she gain ?  
>" <em>She's so secretive <em>"  
><em>only because I never wanted you to have anything over me.<br>_" _I mean, it's all well and good to have your friends over, but what are you doing, letting her out, dressed like that on a night that you discover she's not going to school ? _" so my sister couldn't even let Lucy's problems lie in my mother's lap, she has to get involved, has to stick her nose into everything.

**LEAVE HIM ALONE**

I'm screaming I can't stand this, I don't want the arguments, I don't want the pain, I just want the world to leave my crumbling family alone. _  
><em>" _Cos' let me tell you ..." _my sister babbles on, unaware of my presence, unaware of how attuned mine and Dave's emotions are, unaware of the horrible atmosphere in the air.  
>" <em>Rita was sleeping with boys at Lucy's age <em>"

**BITCH**

And now I cannot hold back the anger inside. I stand infront of her, protecting my home, my children, my husband from the verbal onslaught of my careless sister.  
><em>" Say what on earth you like about me Anna, just because I have had more kids than you does not mean I am a slut. They're your family, why would you do this to your own family ..."<br>_" _She wants to find her father, find her dad, it's nothing to do with boys" _Dave interrupts and suddenly an air of calm rushes though our veins and everything seems to have simmered down.  
><em>How does he do it?<br>_" _Well definitely, watch out ... _" a sign that my sister has lost the argument.  
>" <em>cos' the next best thing is older boys, or, her teacher which was Rita's speciality<em>" I cannot think of words to describe how mad and furious I feel, tears well up in my eyes.  
><em>Can she possibly suggest that Lucy would do that ?<em>  
><em>Is she seriously suggesting that I, who had never done anything that she's accused me of, would have slept with anyone who was willing ?<em>  
><em>Is she saying what I think she is ?<em>  
>Robin cannot hold back now, he looks alarmed as the private life of his sister-in-law is spilled out on a street, in front of the man she was married to for most of her life. I just hope that the kids haven't heard this. I know they would either hate my sister, which is at this moment in time is more than desirable or disbelieve what she has said, I would always be thought of highly in their golden opinions, but it would turn into just another thing,<br>just another thing to explain.  
>Just another pressure on Dave's back.<br>Anna and Robin walk away, back to the car and Robin gives an apologetic smile. I cannot admire him enough. Anna needs to realise how much of a god send he is, before she loses him, because I cannot think that even a man as patient as Robin can deal with this embarrassment much longer.  
>I certainly wouldn't.<p>

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><p><strong>Once again a huge thank you and lots of love to everyone who keeps reading and reviewing. I promise to do my best to get the next chapter up as soon as possible.<strong>


	5. Anna

**I hope this chapter still flows as well as my others. I've decided on a late night writing session before the beginning of exam season and ... anyway I won't able on about it. As per usual I hope you enjoy and thank you for all the lovely reviews I have received.**

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><p>The world and all its people are fast asleep.<br>Everyone but me ; but then again, can I be considered a person?  
>I'm standing in our empty hallway. I walk up the stairs, my silent footsteps echoing through the house.<br>I wonder if the children see me, in a dream as I walk through their lives.  
>I wonder if they know, know that I never left them, that I've always been here, that I always will be.<br>I walk into Lucy's room, she seems more relaxed now Dave's agreed to help her find her father.  
>I worry for both of them, as I sit beside Lucy pushing a single strand of hair out of her closed eyelids.<br>Dave loves her, it's only Lucy who can't see it and I think we both know that when she finds her father, she'll go to live with him in his new life.  
>I wonder where Stuart lives now.<br>Does he even know I'm dead and that the responsibility of looking after Lucy will soon fall on his shoulders?  
>I sit there in the darkness, pondering everything; questioning everything I cannot change, while my family sleeps peacefully.<p>

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><p>The door shuts with a chorus of jangalling keys and silent thud.<br>Dave has just come back from work and I don't know what to expect when he sees what my sister's done. I've calmed down a lot since she came in and put the mobile phones on my dining room table, but I still cannot help but be mad.  
>I don't my kids turning into ... into androids who can't communicate with the outside world because they're too busy texting.<br>But even as I say this I know it's not the real reason for my outrage.  
>Life is moving on without me, in a more radical way than I thought it would and my sister has instigated it.<br>We may not be full siblings and we may not always get on but _does she want the world to forget me so soon?_  
>When Dave walks in, to see the kids at the table with the phones in their hand he looks shocked and a suppressed anger is in his eyes. I want him to be angry, I want him to kick and scream but he never does.<br>He's slung his jacket on the back of a chair and is watching Evie call him on his mobile.  
>She's <em>six<em> what the hell does she need a phone for ?  
>" <em>Can I talk to you downstairs?<em>"  
>I follow him and take one look back at my children's disappointed faces. In another life I might have compromised, but it's not like they can see me, it's not like Dave or Anna can hear my opinions.<br>It's not like I can affect anything.

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><p>" <em>How dare you go behind my back and buy them mobile phones<em>"  
>"<em>Dave, Dave, Rita's gone and you can't be..<em>"  
>"<em>Anna, Anna, Rita hated mobile phones for kids, you know that, you know it<em>"  
>I don't think I ever noticed before how strongly Dave has been holding my values, like a flag. Sure, he may have got a dog against my will but he now stands in front of my sister, furious at her for going against her dead sister's will.<br>In that one moment I want him to let go, of the anger, of me. It's unfair to keep him locked in the memories of me this long.  
>He needs his life back, but I can't bare to let him go, not yet.<br>I want him to turn to my sister in that one moment and say to her,  
><em>It's okay, I'm sorry I got mad at you but you should have asked me first. Please, next time, before you do anything, ask me first.<em>  
>I then turn my worries on my sister, who's voice begins to break.<br>"_So, even though she's gone, it's still just all about her. Just like it ever was_"  
>and I feel as though I've been slapped in the face as my legs give way and I sink into the concrete steps.<br>I should have seen it all along. She didn't hate me, she just wanted someone to care.  
>" <em>I miss her, I miss her, bet she doesn't miss me<em>"  
>She begins to cry and so do I. Dave wraps his arms around her, <em>not me.<em> Suddenly an overwhelming jealousy fills my heart, but my tears drown the fire before I can speak. I cannot believe I was so blind.  
>What sort of a sister was I, to never see what she needed?<br>To simply ignore her and make it worse?  
><em>What sort of a sister am I ?<em>  
>" <em>Listen she loved you<em>"  
>Dave says, drifting off into a world of his own, for mere seconds, as my sister's tears subside.<br>I'm still chocking on my own tears as I whisper to them both,  
>" <em>I still do<em>"  
>I want it to stop, all of this, I want it to stop.<br>What was wrong with a normal death?  
>Why did I have to come back to hear this?<br>I sit in silence as Dave continues to stand up for me and my principles, as strong as the walls that hold this place up, even if the man himself is weak.  
>"<em>If you don't change …. It's crazy<em>"  
>my sister shakes her head as my heart continues to crack under the strain of my sister's words. I can't keep holiding onto him like this, willing him to be mine when there's no chance we can ever see eachother again.<br>As for my sister, well she's the one person I wish more than anything I could see. I wish she could hear me now: crying and repenting any sin I have bestowed upon her. All these naive years I thought my sister was jealous, that I was the good child, not brilliant no, but I was good to my sister.  
>Turns out I was wrong.<br>I was nothing more than the rotten egg, spoilt like an angel.

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><p><strong>I apologies for not being able to write more, but it's really late at the minute (3am) and I need some rest. Keep reviewing :).<strong>


	6. Author's Message

**Hello again.  
>I'm sorry for getting your hopes up ... not a new chapter I'm afraid.<br>I just wanted you to be aware that I won't be able to update for a while. At the moment I'm in the middle of NaNoWriMo (a novel writing competition), please do feel free to google it and have a look, it's brilliant, if not a little time consuming.  
>But that, along with school and other commitments has stopped me from writing as much fanfiction as I normally do.<br>I promise I will update as soon as I can, but I just wanted to warn you that it might be a while before I manage to get new chapters up. **

**Thank you for your patience,  
><strong>

**Annabelle Carlie**


	7. Love Is Not Just For Girls

**Hello again,  
>I know I've kept you waiting long enough, for which I apologise, and I won't keep you waiting even longer with a long paragraph of author's notes ...<strong>

* * *

><p>Every gut feeling tells me to trust, trust that Dave will wait and mourn my death a little longer. Just long enough to allow me to get used to the idea. I know it hardly matters, he'll do what he'll do and I can do nothing to stop it, but the hope's there and sometimes hope's all you need.<br>Michelle walks through our front door to relieve my sister of her babysitting duties, while Dave is at work. She is stunningly beautiful woman and a brilliant mother to Dave's daughter, Tanya. I've never bared her a grudge, I don't really know her, I think Dave was weary of how jealous I can, at times, be and was keen, for that reason alone, to keep us apart.  
>My sister is back to her usual self, there's no sympathetic tears, no soft and broken words to soften the blows she throws at people left right and centre.<br>Empathising with her is getting harder and harder every day. But I am keen to keep my feet off the ground and not take the moral high ground as I was used to in life.  
>After all I was far from perfect.<br>Michelle's by the table and Anna's muttering, quite loudly, about Michelle wanting Dave again and although both Anna and I know it's a possibility, I wouldn't be too bothered if one day they did get back together.  
>At least he wouldn't be alone.<br>But, not now, please I cannot bare the idea of losing him so soon after I've died.  
>I wonder what Michelle thinks of my death, thinks of what's going on, how everyone's coping? I hope she thinks of Dave, after all he needs someone to hold his back.<br>I look further ahead and see that Ewan's lying on the couch, his leg up against the couch. Everyone knows he's not really hurt his leg, but some are more subtle than my sister.  
>I know what he's trying to say and my inability to help him crushes my soul.<p>

_I need someone to hold me_  
><em>I need dad to be the way he used to be.<em>  
><em>I need mum.<em>

* * *

><p>I stand in the doorway of the garage, watching him rummaging through box after box, trying to find something, I don't know what.<p>

_What are you doing Ewan?_

I go to call to him and remember that he cannot hear me. It's strange, I have forgotten what my voice sounds like, even in my head I cannot recall the sound.  
>He grabs the hammer.<br>Pulls up a chair.  
>My heart begins to pound.<br>All I can do is stand here, in the silent air and watch as he lifts the hammer above his head, shaking in fear, like a leaf.

**Stop**

I pray, hoping that, although there's no power in my voice, my thoughts might persuade him otherwise.

**Stop**

but there's nothing I can do as I watch the hammer come down on his leg,  
>hearing my heart break as he begins to scream.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Hope this has been worth the wait. <strong>


End file.
